the ugly of me May 26, 2010

I was really glad to take a camping trip with some girlfriends for a night and it was wonderful. As usual, God typically brings something to mind on a trip like this that could really use some work. Something just happens to me as i stare at a blazing hot fire.

As “open” of an individual as I pride myself on being I was hit with the reality of how guarded I am with others. I’m not always sure why i’m like this but I often only let people in to a certain point but stop them at my “julie wall”. I think some of this comes from having many friends and also certain instances in life where I was hurt and promised myself i would never let that happen to me again.

It’s crazy that instances from over 10 years ago can shape my “guardedness” to the way I am today. Does anyone else struggle with this?

feeling vulnerable.

Tired bear May 21, 2010

Man has it been a long week for me! All in the best way possible but still leaving me feeling like one tired bear (see what I did there? Last names Berry…bear…Berry…get it?)

I have been reminded of how comforting it is to cling to the one who created me in times of decisions and guidance. I’m grateful for all the people I can turn to but even still nothing is greater than relying on my maker.

This verse has comforted me this week:
“I am counting on the Lord; yes, I am counting on him. I have put my hope in his word” Psalm 130:5 NLT

my new pillow April 25, 2010

I’ve been wanting a new pillow for a while now. Usually, when I think of getting one i’m like; “No, i can wait – i’ll try to hold out a little longer”. Well the wait is over folks – I got a new pillow last night. I imagine you clapping and raising your hands in jubilant celebration for me cause this is a big deal!

Fast forward.

Around 4:40 Daniel and I are scrambling around trying to gather everything for Piper and getting Mya all set before we head to church and out to dinner with friends. Church started at 5:00 and we’re not even on the road till 4:57 (church is 15 min. away). So I’m feeling really anxious, trying to flesh that out more in my inner monologue when we walk into church just in time for the message to start.

If you’re still with me, here’s where it gets good; I REALLY needed to hear the message today. It just hit me hard, making me think into this very moment. I love it when stuff like this happens to me. Well, i love it and hate it all at the same time. Hate it cause “growing pains” are not easy but love it because it’s feels so good to not stand still in who i am but rather be changing into the person I want to be.

Rewind.

I didn’t sleep well last night, had a hard time getting used to the new pillow.
Felt like i was dragging all day from being tired.
Acting crabby from little sleep.
Needed the message at church cause I was crabby.

Takeaway: It’s all the pillows fault.
Wink.

The church NEEDS me April 23, 2010

It’s been too long my friends…too long!

Things are going really well right now; Piper is cuter than ever (if that’s even possible), Daniel is doing great – he’s started the countdown to summer and it’s like 6 weeks away, and I’m doing great too!

I’m honored to have the privilege of speaking to the Seniors of Trinity – Christian Ministries department next week – so as I’ve been spending much of this day thinking about what I’d like to share it’s been natural that I’ve reflected on my life and all that’s changed since I’ve graduated Trinity. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

A LOT HAS CHANGED! ( that’s not all I’ve got but you know…)

I guess I’m just really grateful for a view of maturity in myself from when I graduated college. I just thought i kinda knew it all and was ready to tell the church ALL the things they are doing wrong and if they hire me I’ll be an added bonus of telling them HOW to change what they’re doing wrong (wink).

I’m not saying that the church is perfect or anything like that but there is so much more to it than an easy finger-pointing statement like this that i used to make. If you think of it, you can pray for wisdom in what to share to the world changers of the near future. I’m excited, real excited.

Friendship, time, grace, love February 3, 2010

Met up with an old friend the other night and had a moment that will long be forgotten. The years that have past between us without really “talking” have haunted me for many years.
I hate how stubbornness plays such a huge part in my life. It’s like this consistent part of me that creeps up even after I think I’ve dealt with it. I’m not gonna stay negative on my stubbornness though, my point is that it’s crazy how stubbornness in my life can lead to years of separation but 30 minutes of honesty can wash away years.
Makes it so clear to me that we were made to be in unity and “all goodness” with one another.
Now I sit here picturing my two faithful readers being like…”thanks Julie for this awesome nugget of wisdom” (sarcasm) but here’s the deal…we all (or many of us) obviously don’t get this well (me included) or there wouldn’t be so much dang tension and separation between relationships and families in this world. Make me sad.
So, how are your relationships with people in your life? Is there someone you need to make sure you’re “all good with”? Why not instigate and reach out to them…what have you got to lose?

a little stroll down memory lane January 20, 2010

Today I had an opportunity to step away from work and reflect on my life a bit.

Not that I planned this but after dropping Piper off with her sweet Oma, I found myself wanting to visit important memories of my life since childhood. I drove to the church I grew up at, my first few jobs (Starbucks being one of my favs…so i went in), the music store i frequented in HS when I discovered a passion for guitar/singing and those are just to name a few.

Two things happened to me in that moment:

1. I was really proud of who i’ve become, grateful for all the paths of my life that have led me to now.
2. I realized, i’ve got a LONG way to go and not that i’ll ever “arrive” but…you get my point.

I’m still kinda working it out in my head/heart but i feel re-energized; inspired to live each day like I dream to with meaning and purpose. I don’t want to just “get by” and live my mediocre life the same tomorrow. I’ve got a mission a mission of LOVE and i’m gonna spread it!

Oh the lame looking cartwheel I could do right now to express how i’m feeling…i’ll refrain but you get my point –

spinning head syndrome January 15, 2010

I get spinning head syndrome a lot. So many thoughts i need to process and cant or don’t find the time to process them. On top of that, I’m one of those psycho people who needs to process all the stuff to feel like “Julie” again. I know there are others out there like me…come out wherever you are

Lately I’ve been having some really good conversations with people i really respect/admire and it’s been helping me process the “stuff”.

Yesterday in particular i had a friend genuinely care about me and where i was and i was so moved by her care that I lost it. I had no idea that THAT amount of emotion was in me and needed to come out but it did and if that’s ever happened to you it feels so good.

It made me want to genuinely care about others more. We’ve all got “stuff” to deal with and process and I want to be the kind of person that encourages someone (just by authentically caring) to process through their stuff. Not cause i want to know their stuff but because the beautiful feeling that comes from processing the “stuff” feels amazing and if I’ve experienced that wonderful feeling i want others to experience it to.

Make sense? I’m grateful for all you genuine caring folks out there. You rock my world!

Christmas overwhelms me…. December 22, 2009

The Christmas season overwhelms me!

It has pretty much every year since i’ve been a “real” adult. The funny thing is it’s not like the whole month of December i’m neurotic or anything like that but right around the week before Christmas when i realize i’ve ran out of time to put off Christmas gifts, get the laundry done before we head out to Vegas, and finish up any of the “end of year” things i start to lose it.

Seriously, i start to totally turn everything on ME and I absolutely hate it when i hit this point because it means i’ve let the hype of Christmas get to me. The fact that i’m worried more about if a family member is really going to like their gift or not than the fact that we are celebrating the birth of Jesus with family. “The reason for the season” if you will.

so, i’m jammin out to some old school Christmas tunes and the people who wrote these songs…definately didnt let the hype of Christmas get to them. I admire that. I’ve sung these songs all my life and never really caught the richness of some of these lyrics.

Its good for me to stop and acknowledge i’m all hyped out so i can come back to reality and enjoy what this season is all about.

Thank you online public journal for being my therapy today

On my side December 11, 2009

(i wrote this a few months ago, just figured out how to post the song) 

So i’ve been in this unique place recently that i’ve been having a hard time putting into words until last week when I sat down and put it into song. it’s birthed out of not being in the place i want to be with God, rejoicing in the beauty of life soon to be entering my family, the emotional battle of my mother battling cancer again and the thought of losing her, and the fact that I dont have to be strong about it cause God’s got that covered.

So, if you can put aside the out of tune guitar and pitchy vocals, i invite you into my world lately:

On My Side

Daniel’s story June 8, 2009

So our church is in the middle of a series called, “Redemption” and a few weeks ago Daniel’s testimony was used for a message about redeeming the lost. It really never gets old for me to hear Daniel talk about who he used to be…and see who he is now because of his relationship with God. I’m so proud to be his wife!

Take a look, let me know your thoughts.